i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
