I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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