Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Soap is not a condiment
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I am one with the molecules
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
