Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
