I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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