She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
