She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
