Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Small penises have feelings too.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
