new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
