I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
