Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
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I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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