You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
