i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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