Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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