i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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