He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
