you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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