I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
