The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
