So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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