i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
we're so committed to being not committed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
