i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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