that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
