Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize