allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
