I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
