You just made me feel so damn special
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
