I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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