well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
