I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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