i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
