tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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