Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
