I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
