we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
