U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
