the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
