I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I love you. Go after that dick
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
