porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
