This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
