When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
