Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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