did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
