he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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