I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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