I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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