Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
