Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
