That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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