This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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