There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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