With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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