dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
