They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
