I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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