so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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