I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
