Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The air taste purple.
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