I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
