theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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