I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
