Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
