Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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