I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
