Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
