when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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