im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize