I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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