Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
do herpes really smell.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
