i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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