im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
