My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
