Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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