i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
