i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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