No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
