I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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