Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
