Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
