Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
