you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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